


FitStoner89 Said:

by lonelylibrarian



Category: Broad City (TV)
Genre: F/F, drug use and mentions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-01
Updated: 2016-03-01
Packaged: 2018-05-24 02:10:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6137749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonelylibrarian/pseuds/lonelylibrarian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Topic: Healthy Edibles?<br/>Posted By: FitStoner89<br/>Anyone know any healthy edible recipes? I’m trying to get a job as a trainer and am trying to stay away from smoking and brownies. </p><p>PussyWeedQueen Said: <br/>try a salad</p>
            </blockquote>





	FitStoner89 Said:

**Author's Note:**

> warning for drugs obvi   
> for the femslash bingo slot, "online dating" which i used kinda loosely cuz they only meet online   
> hope this isn't too terrible.

Topic: Healthy Edibles?

Posted By: FitStoner89

Anyone know any healthy edible recipes? I’m trying to get a job as a trainer and am trying to stay away from smoking and brownies. 

 

PussyWeedQueen Said: 

try a salad 

 

Abbi sighs as she stares at her laptop. She normally wouldn’t be doing something like this, she likes to frequent Pinterest for recipes but that had been unsurprisingly lacking in pot recipes. She doesn’t even smoke that often, so she doesn’t know what the point of this is. But it helps her calm down, and gets her through cleaning the men’s bathrooms after senior classes at Soulstice. 

 

FitStoner89 Said: 

If you’re not going to take this seriously, fuck off. 

  
  


Ilana laughs at her screen, taking another bite of pizza. 

“Dude, this person must have confused their weed for a stick because that’s what’s up their ass right now.” Ilana says to Jaime, who’s sitting across from her with his attention tuned to some crappy reality show.

“That’s unfortunate.” He says, not turning away. 

  
  


PussyWeedQueen Said:

i am totes serious

just throw some marijuana in a bowl add a nice vinaigrette and u got a great dish

my friend susan loves it

  
  


FitStoner89 Said: 

Wow, thanks for the help. Just letting you know you have been reported, asshole. 

  
  


PussyWeedQueen Said: 

chillaaxxx my dude i was just having a little fun 

wish i could help but i dont know shit about eating healthy altho i could let you borrow my membership at this food co-op. maybe they have low cal weed there

  
  


FitStoner89 Said:

I’m actually going to fight you.

 

PussyWeedQueen Said: 

okay name a time and a place

 

Abbi’s hands freeze over the keyboard, she actually wants to fight this person. She doesn’t know why the shitty comments are pissing her off so much, but she thinks could take this person. She has no idea what to make of the username, and no idea how strong this person could be. But she’s cleaned the windows during a kickboxing class, she thinks she’ll be able to handle herself. 

 

FitStoner89 Said:

I will name a time AND a place. Meet me by the Friends fountain, five pm TOMORROW. I’ll be the girl with the ass of an angel wearing a green jacket. 

 

PussyWeedQueen Said:

you kno thats not really the friends fountain right? the theme song was filmed on a soundstage sweaty :)))

 

PussyWeedQueen Said: 

but okay, i’ll see you there. i’ll be the girl in a crop top and sick leggings 

  
  


Ilana closes her laptop, turning her attention to the TV. 

“Jaime, I’m gonna fight someone tomorrow.” 

“Just don’t die, you’re the only gay friend I have here right now.” Jaime replies.

“Okay, tomorrow, after my fight, we are hitting up all the gay clubs.” 

  
  


Abbi makes it to the fountain at 4:59, and starts looking around for a girl in crop tops and sick leggings. She sees someone in a crop top and almost runs over to her, high on adrenaline. But then she realizes she’s wearing shorts and not sick leggings. 

 

She glances at her phone right as the time turns to five. She looks around again, this time spotting a girl talking to a man in scrubs. She’s wearing a mesh crop top and leggings covered in cats, which Abbi assumes is her definition of sick. She fast walks over to her, pumping herself up. 

 

“Pussy Weed Queen?” She asks, bouncing on her heels. 

 

The girl turns towards her, matching Abbi’s excitement. “Hell yeah it is!” She says, putting up her fists and punching the air, “You ready for me to kick your ass?” 

 

The guy in scrubs starts to talk, “Ilana I don’t think this is -”

 

“Hell yeah I am!” Abbi yells back, before realizing what she said. “I mean, I’m ready to kick  _ your _ ass.  _ My _ ass is not getting kicked today.” She says, mimicking the girl’s - Ilana’s - movements. 

“Okay, then let’s go motherfucker.” 

 

Neither of them go, they just kind of stand there punching the air. Abbi hears the guy sigh. 

 

Abbi stops moving, “I’m really scared. I’ve never fought anyone.” She says, still keeping an eye on Ilana’s fists.

 

“Oh my god, me neither.” Ilana says, letting her hands fall. “I was like ‘am I seriously doing this?’ and Lincoln was all ‘Ilana no stop!’ and I was like, ‘stop trying to control me, you man!’” 

 

“Holy shit, I thought I was gonna die today” Abbi says laughing, “I can’t fight like at all.” 

They laugh with each other before Ilana says, “Do you wanna go grab dinner? I know this great place that is super healthy but like cheap at the same time.” She pauses for a second, “Not like I care, but clearly you do Mrs. Fit Stoner89.” 

 

“Well excuse me for trying to get my life together.” Abbi says, following Ilana as she starts walking away. The guy in scrubs, who Abbi assumes is Lincoln, follows too. 

 

They get to the restaurant and Lincoln has barely said anything, which Abbi thinks is a little awkward. But her and Ilana haven’t had a lull in conversation, so maybe that’s why. She’s not sure who Lincoln is to Ilana, but she’s really hoping he’s not the boyfriend. 

 

“Oh my god,” Ilana says, as she holds the door for Abbi. “You really do have the ass of an angel.”

Abbi smiles appreciatively at her, “I know right?” 

 

Their meal seems to go by really quickly, both Abbi and Ilana unable to shut up as they eat. Turns out they’re both Jewish and have an affinity for Lil’ Wayne. 

After they finish eating, Ilana folds her hands under her chin, “So,” She says, giving Abbi what she  _ thinks _ is a seductive smile. “Do you think you’d wanna  _ fight _ another time?” She asks, raising her eyebrows ridiculously. 

Abbi plays along, winking at her badly, “Oh, I think I would.” 

“Fit Stoner89 you have changed my life.” Ilana says, reaching across the table to squeeze Abbi’s cheeks. 

“Just to be clear we’re talking about sex, right?” Abbi asks, Ilana still holding her cheeks. 

“Yup, sex with two beautiful vahinas.” Ilana answers as she puts her hands back down. 

After that, Lincoln (who Abbi definitely kind of forgot was there) stands up and drops some cash on the table, “I’m just gonna leave.” 

 

“Oh my god, dude, I’m so sorry.” Abbi says, feeling super awkward all of a sudden. 

 

“Oh it’s totally fine,” Ilana says, waving to Lincoln as he leaves, “We’re just chill fuck buddies.” 

 

“Oh cool, cool.” Abbi says, glancing back down at the table. 

“So you wanna head back to my place right now or do I have to take you to the movies first? Cuz I would totally respect that.” Ilana says, knocking a fist against her chest.

 

“Nope, let's go back to your place.” Abbi answers, probably a little too quickly. 

 

As they leave the restaurant, Ilana’s hovers her hand over Abbi’s ass, “May I?” She asks, letting the door fall closed behind them.

 

“Go for it.”  Abbi says laughing. 

 

Ilana gives her ass a playful slap, “Sweeeet!” she yells, as they walk back towards her place. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> im sorry that ass slap was so awkward how do u even write ass slaps without sounding like 50 shades of grey idk


End file.
